


The Case of the Disappearing Door

by shella688



Series: fast-travel across the atlantic with this 1 weird tip [1]
Category: The Magnus Archives (Podcast), Welcome to Night Vale
Genre: (briefly but they are both there), Eye Trauma, M/M, Scars, Written like a WTNV episode, because why not, canon-typical jon pining, canon-typical shenanigans for both, cecil declares his love for carlos at every possible oppotunity, featuring a slightly more wholesome night vale, written before MAG159
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-29
Updated: 2019-10-29
Packaged: 2021-01-05 05:01:31
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,951
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21202163
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/shella688/pseuds/shella688
Summary: Night Vale receives yet another mysterious visitor; Khoshekh makes a new friend(?) and we all learn a bit more about the cultural differences between Night Vale and Britain.(The events of Oops [Helen] Did It Again from Cecil's POV)





	The Case of the Disappearing Door

**Author's Note:**

> Set post-MAG158 in a canon-adjacent universe where instead of charging off into the Lonely Jon ends up on a magical mystery tour to try and reach Martin, courtesy of Helen
> 
> Weather: [Lock Without A Key, by Ben Below](https://open.spotify.com/track/1tX55LNlpDFxKldQHjX9rx?si=RCdelIThSFyhobkPIRJVcA)

There is no such thing as bad decisions. Only ones with bad results that you should have really seen coming. Seriously, why did you decide to do that?

Welcome, to Night Vale.

* * *

Listeners, there is someone in the radio station. This by itself is not unusual. I, for one, am often in the radio station. Just yesterday Carlos - my husband - was in the radio station. But those are normal occurrences. This person, dear listeners, is _not_ a normal occurrence.

For a start, this person entered through a yellow door. Now, there are no yellow doors in the studio. I know this because when I filled out the Door Tally for the Sheriff's Secret Police - which, by the way, must be completed by Monday if you want to see your loved ones again - there were 10 grey doors, 16 blue doors and half a pink door. There were no yellow doors. There are still no yellow doors, because the one this person came through disappeared shortly after they did so. Typical.

Furthermore, I was observing them with my standard-issue long-range reporter's binoculars. They are maybe my age, but it is hard to tell. They are neither tall nor short, but look haggard, like they haven't eaten properly in _months_. But the worst part is all their scars, up and down their body like an art student fresh out of Night Vale Community College. What kind of life must one lead, to be so covered in scars and yet not an artist?

Join me, listeners, as I attempt to find out more about this door, and the as yet unknown person who came through it.

But first, a word from our sponsors.

* * *

Do you work in an office? Stab out your eyes! Does your boss watch your every move? Stab out your eyes! Have you ever been shot by a ghost? Stab out your eyes! Did the man you love desperately plead for you to run away with him, but forces beyond human ken prevented you from agreeing? Try stabbing out your eyes! Want to steal the body of that stoner kid you hired for a laugh but then never fired? That's right - stab out your eyes!

* * *

Well alright then. I have wonder who pays for these things sometimes.

An update: I have just received word that the Door Tally for the Sheriff's Secret Police was actually due _last_ Monday. If you didn't complete it in time head down to the abandoned mineshaft outside of town to hear your loved ones' last words. That is - if it's not already too late.

In other news, I have developments on the person in my recording studio. They seem to be narrating everything on some sort of... tape recorder. Weird, right? I mean, who even uses those anymore?

I don't know if I want to talk to this person, dear listeners. Here in Night Vale we pride ourselves on being an open and welcoming community. After all, that's how I got to know Carlos: by talking. But there is something about them that seems wrong.

I feel like they're watching me, even when they're not looking. When they speak, it's like they're been fed information from a source even they do not know. And, though you all know I do not look in mirrors, I saw their reflection not long back in a window. I- I'm not sure how to describe this, listeners.

_They were all eyes._

And now, The Weather.

* * *

Welcome back, citizens of Night Vale. Welcome back, citizens of a place that only exists because I experience it.

The mysterious person who entered the radio station through a door that no longer exists is a man called Jon. I know this because, after I shared my fears with you, Carlos called me. He said that it impossible for a human to be all eyes - that is simply not how humans work. I trust Carlos on this, because he is a scientist, and it's his job to know these things. But I also trust him because I love him, and all good relationships are built on solid foundations of trust. So I spoke to Jon.

Listeners, I am pleased to announce we have our very first British visitor to Night Vale! Okay, he may have arrived through a weird door that he refuses to explain. And sure - he may even be forcing me to answer his questions though magics I'm not paid to understand. But this, Night Vale, is truly a momentous occasion! Be sure to to tell all your friends, maybe even organise a street party!

Our conversation was, I admit, a little weird. It was a bit like this:

I, being polite, said hi! I'm Cecil, you know, the guy off the radio? What's your name? He said Jon, like that should have meant something, then asked me who I worked for; so I told him Station Management. Then he frowned, and asked me again, but in a different tone of voice. It made me feel like I had to answer his questions. People of Night Vale let me tell you - it was _not_ a pleasant sensation. I said Station Management again, then for some reason, I started telling him about that time we were taken over by StrexCorp. I only just managed to stop myself talking about the angels' involvement in all this. By "involvement", of course, I mean they have absolutely no part in this radio station at all, as they do not exist.

This was still not the answer he wanted, apparently.

When I tried to ask Jon something else, he just glared. So I stayed quiet. He wanted to know who else was here. I said, it's just me and Khoshekh. He said, Khoshekh?, so I replied yeah! The cat floating in the bathroom!, and pointed towards Khoshekh's bathroom.

He look concerned, and half-walked half-ran off - to investigate Khoshekh, I presume. But that reaction... Listeners, I do not think they have cats in Britain.

Oh! Jon's back! Let's see if I can interview him, for you, live on-air. Hey Jon! Did you like our pet?

...  
Huh - that's strange. Jon is clearly in the room with me. And I can clearly hear him say how nice Khoshekh is, in that polite tone of voice you use when you don't want to upset someone. But when I listen through my headphones, all I hear is the faint whine of static where his voice should be.

Maybe my equipment isn't designed to work with British accents?

Let's go to the Shades of the Sky for this week, whilst I see what I can do. Remember, if you have any questions for him, please send them in!

* * *

Monday, blue.  
Tuesday, red.  
Wednesday, a childhood that wasn't as perfect as you remember.  
Thursday, a burnt-down library.  
Friday, meat.  
Saturday, the knowledge that the world is ending and you cannot stop it. Yes, you may save the world today. You may even save it again next year, and the one after that, then next decade. But you are not around for ever. One day, you will be asleep, or you will be dead, or you will be walking to the shops for some milk, and you will look up and watch the stars blink out, one by one.  
Sunday, blue again.

* * *

Unfortunately, Jon has refused to answer the questions you've all sent in. Sorry everyone, but please do try again next time we have a mysterious visitor. Also, the equipment still isn't working, so I'll do my best to narrate what he says.

All he will say is that he's looking for Martin. Does anybody know what a Martin is? We can help you find one! Oh no, wait, he's shaking his head. Apparently I've "already said too much" and I'm "compromising his safety." You know, Jon, that's almost exactly what my high school teacher wrote on my report-

...  
What a strange question!

...  
Okay, no need to do that voice, I'll answer. Spiral or Stranger, you say? Well, I've met plenty of strangers before. Some have become friends, some arch-enemies, and some have simply remained strangers. But that's life, I guess. I've never met a spiral though. There - that's my answer! I'd like to meet a spiral.

...  
I _am_ human, thank you for asking. Not that there's anything wrong with not being a human, some of the nicest people in Night Vale aren't h-

...  
Oh.

...  
But that's nothing to be ashamed of. Even the best of us have done things we're not proud of. Sometimes that's being rude to waiters, sometimes that's acknowledging the presence of angels. And sometimes, it's eating people's trauma without their permission and then appearing in their dreams forever after, only watching as their fears play out over a great, impossible stage. Although you should really ask before you do that again.

...  
Aw, thank you too!

...  
Oh, okay. Already?

...  
Goodbye then, Jon. I hope you find your Martin.

Listeners, I am sat alone in the recording booth once more. Jon is out where the weird door opened earlier, shouting at empty air. More specifically, the patch of empty air called Helen. Or maybe that's the door's name. Do British doors have ears?

Helen if you're listening to this, Jon has got your point and learned your lesson. He wants to leave this weird, creepy town. Wow Jon, that's just rude. I really thought we had something back there, you know? Oh, you can still hear me. Apology accepted, I guess.

Helen, this is me speaking to you now, hoping you receive this message I broadcast out into the lonely world around me. Please get Jon back. I don't know him all that well - perhaps I never will - but I want him to be safe. I hope he finds Martin. I hope, one day, he can look at all his scars and be safe in the knowledge that *_this_* - in that big cosmic sense of it - will never happen again.

People of Night Vale, it is with regret, yet with a fair amount of hope, that I inform you Jon has left through the same door with which he arrived. That door has now, of course, disappeared. Typical.

There is a lot about today that I still do not know, and I could dwell on that. But as your local community radio host, I feel the need to set a good example to the children of our town. So instead, let's think about what we've learnt today.

I've learnt that there are doors that can disappear and reappear seemingly at will. I discovered some things cannot be recorded by my equipment, possibly because said things are British. I know I love Carlos, but of course I knew that already. And I know, somewhere, a man named Jon worries he is no longer human and no longer a person.

See here's the thing, listeners. Jon was not human. I ask you now, is that such a bad thing? Neither The Faceless Old Woman Who Secretly Lives In Your Home nor Hiram McDaniels are human, but they are both helpful, upstanding members of our town.

You, in fact, may not be human. But you are a person, because you have taken your experiences of this world and turned them into a story with yourself as the protagonist. We are people, because we build ourselves communities so we can look up as one into the endless, unknowable void of space and think: hey, that's not so big. We are people because we laugh, and because we fight, and we cry, and create and sometimes we screw up, but we always try to make things better.

We are people, because we care.

Goodnight, Night Vale.

Goodnight.

**Author's Note:**

> One day I may write Jon's perspective on all this so stay tuned I guess?  
EDIT: Check out the series [fast-travel across The atlantic with this 1 weird tip](https://archiveofourown.org/series/1540597) for this + some other ideas I've got planned
> 
> Post s4 q+a part 2 edit:  
y'know that bit where Jonny talks about what he classes as a person? hmmm similar vibes but Opposite
> 
> Shout at me on tumblr! [regicidal-defenestration](https://regicidal-defenestration.tumblr.com/)


End file.
